Feel like I do...

Today I burn with this feeling
My mind with thoughts ablaze
My hands are slightly shaking
My heart begins to race

I feel like I'm losing control
I'm nervous inside and out
I have an unexplainable feeling
I wish I could figure this out

These butterflies inside of me
Keep fluttering all throughout
I thought they were gone for good
I didn't know they could come out

It must be the way
You get to me like you do
The way you make me feel
Wish you feel the same as I do.

Zilched

These thoughts you spur are hurting my soul
The pain I feel is not yours to share
But you have it all the same although
You will never know this truth
My secret is safe and sound within myself
And I will bear my guilt alone
I cannot change the voice of my heart
But I can silence it for the sake of loyalty
So we will live and love and carry on
And perhaps in the next lifetime...

Fire on water

I touch you and lose sense of future and past
I can feel your heart is beating fast
We are alone, ur tender clasp so stifling
Oh tonight there is something happening
And it's something that should never be
But there's a flame over you and me

And I can see the fire on water
I can see the light shining in your eyes
I know that I can't stop it now
'Cos I've been caught in its timeless drift
With heart to guide me on my love raft

There's a place and an ancient fortress
High above the worries of the world
I'd love you there for a long time
And we'll discover all our deepest secrets
And let the spirit go flying free
Until the dawn breaks over the sea

I know whats LOVE!!!

If I ask you about love you would probably quote me a sonnet.. But u've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable... known someone that could level you with her eyes.Feeling like god put an angel on earth just for you, who could rescue you from the depths of hell.. You wouldn't know what it would be like to be her angel, to have that love for her and be there for ever, through anything...!! But well.. nobody is perfect.. and even if someone does seem perfect it is because u have not yet been let into knowing their little peccadilloes . Eventually, you will be let into all that. It is then that you realize that it doesn't matter if one is perfect but that you are perfect for another. It is only those idiosyncrasies that matter. stuff that only you know about because only you have been let into the life.. her life.

Well, I ran across an article in the paper talking about what a guy had acheived in life because he'd been given a second chance by 'Reservation'.... Oh, for all of you who don't come from India, here's a flash back...


Long ago, before and during the British occupation of India, Indians were divided into various classes called castes, certain castes were said to be higher than others... Based on the caste, people were given or denied most of the, what today are considered, Basic Rights. Well, when India got Independence, the then leaders decided that, to end centuries of suppression, the downtrodden were given a greater chance to get into educational institutes and to get jobs... This was called reservation, i.e., if 20 seats are available for admiassion into a university, then a few of those were reserved for those from the downtrodden sections and others were not allowed to compete for those seats...


60 years have now passed since that system came into existence and I am very proud to tell you that some of our greatest leaders, scientists and thinks are now from across the spectrum of the so-called castes... But has the system been removed...??? NO.... Ironically, today's Indians are fighting to get their communities included under the list of communities that are covered by reservation... The no. of communities under the umbrella of reservation and the percentage of reserved seats has gone up so drastically that all those who are not covered by this reservation are finding it difficult to get seats in educational institutions and to get jobs... The politicians in India go around wooing people that they will give them reservation under the Backward Clss list and etc... How is this legally possible when the Constitution of India has outlawed the caste system and has promulgated equality of all as a fundamental right...??? Well, it isn't legally possible but people are still getting away with it...


Lets take the current reservation based exams for example. A guy with a rank of about 1300 does not make it in.However some guy who stood 16,000 got into the medical college as he was under the reservation category... Now tell me, will a guy who has sound knowledge make a better doctor or a guy who is a doctor as his great-grandparents were oppressed...???

Crowded Trains and choked streets

Here comes the weekend and wonderful idle time. So, what do I bug myself with this weekend..?? Well.. It is my close friend grafila's birthday and with the added burden of remembering her birthday comes reminiscences of wonderful days back in college. But, if you know me, I am now an eternally depressed soul, and so my thoughts always waver to the darker more subtle nuances of life. So, this takes me back to the train journey to tirupati about two and a half hours from my college, it wasnt my first time but in the general compartment..yes it was..!! Thanks to my dad I never really travelled second class through my life. So, as they say life was cool and comfty with beautiful trees and scenic setting just whooshing by from the sunfilmed glass in the air conditioned compartment. But now, here I am in this train with no space to even breath. My only respite was my girl clinging on to me looking me in the eye with a pleasant smile telling me its all gonna be over soon..!! What was I taking flu shots.?? I had been feeling increasingly uncomfortable with the journey, as it was getting more and more crowded every minute…. it was crowded enough to rival the commuter trains of Mumbai (during the time I lived there – almost a decade ago. It being too crowded, I had to take a car ride part of the way and catch a bus from a place half-way through, a thoroughly discomforting option to a person like me who hates any kind of travel except by train or air….

Leaving the discomfort part aside, I think any other guy in love would see this journey as a two hour cuddle. It was, in the beginning until a monstrous looking hag decided to camp right by my side and scream the living daylights out of me. They say people in love forget their surrounding and lose themselves in the eyes of their love. I am fairly romantic guy but in a scenario like this, I am inundated by thoughts of regret and remorse over my precarious situation. Now, lets get back to my girl, who noticing my distinct lack of interest in her, starts to lecture me on how I have to learn to live a normal life and get away from luxuries, to see life in a common man's shoes. She has a philanthropic fibre which I am very proud about, but a lecture in this scenario?? please spare me. But then she smiles and I see the faint glimmer of hope, a chance to lose my self in her eyes(told you i was a romantic), sweet talking all through the journey, of course utter drivel and gibberish to the people around us. Time just flies and after the wonderfully long cuddle, I just look forward to my sweet kiss goodbye and a long hot shower. All said and done I see bliss in my unmade hostel bed, and the rest is history.

Well, yesteryear’s incident left me pondering over the phenomenal growth of population that India – let alone the whole world – is witnessing. Ten years ago when my family shifted to my present hometown, the main roads were so empty that we – children – could run around and play on the roads… To visit a friend of my mom’s we passed through what appeared to be acres upon acres of fields and countryside. Today, the traffic snarls at railway crossings remind me more and more of badly planned metropolitan cities.

Our population exploded into staggering numbers in the 1970s and has been growing steadily since. The enormous mass of people who are always on the move, eking out their livelihood in jobs high and low is growing by the second… how long will this last…??? How long can the land feed us or support us…??? Today, we Indians, who pride ourselves to be one of earth’s oldest civilizations are struggling to live a comfortable life… Oh sure, there are people who live extravagantly and those who are decently well off… But what I ask is, in a population of 1 billion (in 2001) is around 40% a majority…??? What is going to be the fate of all those who make up the 60%...? The high and mighty say that they have long forseen this doom, but what is the use of foresight if no action is born of it…???

Rural India is losing out on its major food winning job – that of agriculture… Lands have been used to grow crops for so long that most of the nutrients have been leached away. The use of fertilizers led to the green revolution which caused the population boom, but the food supplies are now not adequate to feed the ever growing number of mouths, it is becoming a jungle where the strong prey on the weak… Ironically, real jungles are more civilized than anything that we have created for ourselves. There atleast a weak beast has a chance of putting up a token resistance. Here it is not so, the case is such that a person’s survival depends not on himself, as it would in a jungle, but upon others who do no care whether he/she stands or falls…

What then is the solution to this, you may ask.... Well, I’d say that the only step that has to be taken immediately is to see to it that people are enlightened to what is going on around them… People like you and me, who have a chance to contemplate on things like this should enlighten the others – others who have no time to spare (sigh..!!! I wonder what keeps them so busy… Well, you guessed it right, they’re trying to keep themselves and their family alive in all this cut-throat competition… Ironical isn’t it…???)

What should we enlighten them about? , you might ask… Tell them to think back to their younger days… Tell them to think of those days of peace when there was less smoke and more fun… Ask them to remember their childhoods and do something, anything to try to take the quality of life back to what it was then… Or, if they are a product of this population explosion, people who have grown up in this grime and dust, ask them to think of how beautiful a life without all the annoyances would be… Ask them to come up with solutions that will change the way things work in their families and t pass on the message to their friends and relatives… This way, resources can be streamlined… This is the first stage… After this, everyone has to come to realize that having kids is not the only goal in life… And remember this, all ye Indians, my fellow-countrymen, a girl child is no less than a boy, please do not go on begetting children to get that one boy… You are degrading the quality of all your children by doing that….

What we in India need right now is the streamlined use of resources coupled with proper enlightenment of people everywhere… And, NO… Its NOT upto the government… you and me can do it… You and me can start off this small revolution right here… We can be the spark that kindles the blaze, speak out on this topic to your friends and relatives… Speak out against unnecessary wastage… And most importantly speak out about reducing the population by the only means possible – Family planning. Remember vasectomy doesn’t make a lesser man of you, neither does hysterectomy make a lesser woman… Plan for kids in advance, have kids only when you are sure you are stable enough to bring them up well, and one child is more than enough, atleast at present… Give all your love to that one child… By doing so, you will have a wonderful daughter or son and you will also be doing a great good to the country – if not to the entire world.

Need brooks no delay, it is said, yet delay we have had… Better be late than never… Do your little bit, contribute in your own way… By our actions today, we will experience a better tomorrow…

Introduction..!! (yeah lots of criticism included)

Today's India is growing at a phenomenal rate, if the business or IT guys are to be believed... Well, what exactly is this phenomenal...???? Is it seen in the millions of people to whom buying a whole biscuit packet is an extravagance...??? Is it seen in the people who go to flashy malls in swanky cars to order a burger for Rs. 100/- (a labourer's average daily pay)...???

Life calls for strange bedfellows it is said, but does it really call for such an imbalance...??? Today's India is a mix of ancient reverenced tradition, outdated unneeded beliefs, a caste system that breaks up social life and a perverted kind of magnetism toward western culture, wherein everyone loves western food and clothing and lifestyles and at the same time curse that it has ruined 'The Indian Culture' . Most importantly, we Indians take to technology like fish to water and still, at the end of the day go around saying that the cell phones have destroyed all peace of mind.

Let me quote an example... My family cannot imagine a life without the refrigerator, they need depend on their cell phones to keep in touch all the time... A member who has gone out has to call home at regular intervals otherwise, he/she is met with worry when the next call gets through... and all the time muttering goes on at home that these cell phones are unnecessary and need to go... They mutter that technology is unnecessary and a pain... They talk of the 'Good Old Days' when there was no technology...

They say the internet causes an overload of information, that electronic money is not secure and that computers are infact a waste of spce and money...

What is not realized is that the world moves on... It does not stop for anyone... Change breezes through tecnology and technology changes to make life easier... It is of course right that without anything we would be really happy... It is a truth that ignorance is bliss, but what is the use of questing for ignorance in a world of knowledge when we have been introduced to the world of knowledge...??? What is the point in denying the very technology that we are helping to develop...??? What is the point is learning a little bit about technology, believing that it is enough and leaving the other parts unlearnt...??? It is indeed this half baked knowledge that is the bane of our society...

People no longer study or learn anything for the joy of learning, they end up studying a particular subject and
moving into a totally different field for faster money making and at the end criticizing all that has made them what they are...??? (Yeah yeah yeah, I know, its the situ all the world over, not only in India...!!!)

Too many questions to ponder huh...??? I ask you guys, suggest some solution... Give me answers to this enigma, tell me some way by which all this can be resolved; or tell me if you think all my words are not wasting energy about...

Oh I wish !!

Oh! On a fine summer's eve,
I wish I could leave,
This world full of strife,
And lead a joyous life,
Out o'er the dale,
Down in the vale,
Untouched by worry,
With no more hurry.
I wish I could forget,
The world that is a net,
And lead a life freed,
From the world's hasty speed.
I wish I could clear,
Our life's blind fog,
Then I would see,
The sunset o'er the sea,
The stars in the sky,
and The birds that fly by.
I wish that on fine summer eves,
I could sit beneath the eaves,
And read books on mystery,
Till the end of history.

The Stray Spray

The beauty of a cloudy morn,
The feel of the cool pleasant wind,
The free wind flowing,
Flowing down the hills,
The soft breeze, the dim sun,
Combine to make it a wonderful one.
Now though noon has come,
The sun is still yet to come,
Out into the grey cloudy sky,
A distant flash of lightning,
Warns of impending rain.
Noon wears on and on,
The breeze blows heavily on.
A blinding flash, a thundering blast,
Herald the storm about to break.
Evening sets in, so does the rain,
Lightning flashes, thunder booms,
It rains like it has never before....
Soon there is a lull in the rain,
The clouds part, the light pours through,
Setting the distant hills ablaze,
Ablaze in its golden glow....
The sky darkens, the rain resumes,
Resumes its ceaseless patter,
On the leaves and the roof.....
Now the storm has blown itself out,
The clouds vanish, it still drizzles.....
The sun is out and a rainbow arcs,
Arcs itself high into the sky.....
Soon the sun sets,
Sets in a burst of golden red,
The day is gone now; gone to bed....

Thankyou Friend

A long time ago we met,
So it seems as I look back now.
Our paths in life joined,
And thus we met on that fateful day.
Days passed and our friendship grew,
We ever stood by each other,
We learnt a lot about the world,
A lot about each other, and.....
...stronger grew the bond between us.
We had our share of quarrels too,
But we still stayed together,
United by our bond of friendship,
That pulled us together in that part,
the school going part of our life.
Now though time has passed,
I relish those memories in the same way,
The way I did so long ago.
I still remember our jokes and pranks,
Our quarrels over silly issues,
The way we enjoyed our life.....
....And my eyes mist over with thoughts,
Thoughts from the springs of memory,
Through the tides of time we sailed,
Sailed together prow to prow.
Through the sands of time we walked,
Walked together hand in hand.
We left a mark wherever we went,
And never did our friendship wane.....
And now as I look back my friend,
Back into the past.... our past..,
And look at what time has done,
All I wish to tell you is.....
"I can never thank you truly ever,
For having been a good friend forever."

Doom

The beauty of the rolling hills,
The music of the falling rain,
The booming blast of a thunder-clap,
The grace seen in the running deer,
The gentle whoosh of the breeze in the trees,
The wild howls of the wolves far off,
It is ages since all these were felt,
Many an era since they lost their ground.
Man feels he has made the world better,
While infact he has made it worse.
The hills have lost their greenery,
The woods have lost their clear streams,
The forests have lost their trees so old,
And many an animal's home is no more,
Man tries to change every thing,
He tries to subdue nature.
He forgets that nature made him.
Forgetting that she gave him life and blood,
He declares war on his own mother.
Nothing that man creates,
Can ever hope to stand a quake.
His artistry stands nowhere,
Nowhere next to mother nature's wizardry.
He has to learn to appreciate,
To appreciate Mother Nature's mighty art -
The tiger that moves like liquid steel,
The monkeys that outmatch any acrobat,
The life giving trees….oldest of all....
If he doesn't, then, hearken to me,
For I pronounce the doom that shall fall
On men who reject Mother Nature's call.
Her sole aim is to end all suffering.
So, if Man, who has strayed out of line,
Doesn't step back right in,
The end of all Men shall be,
And the end of all that go with him.
Only the faithful will then remain.
Then will the world be purged of hate,
And peace shall reign in the world.

Heart felt Hurt spelt

Many years ago we may have met,
Or it may have been a few years back.
Whatever, pay heed to the lines I set.
Then you may step out, out from the dark.
Our friendship blossomed over time,
Suddenly we find ourselves distanced.
Our ways part like leaves in a gale.
Before you decide on the way you tread,
Listen to this plea of a friend.
You have turned a cold, cold shoulder,
A cold shoulder to my advice.
In you has pride strongly stirred,
Pride without basis and without light,
You seem determined to tread your own path.
Your road may have been set,
All laid out at your feet,
All laid out and stretching into the distance.
Your doom may have been set
Set, such that words of mine may alter it not.
Your ideas are your own, but still,
As a friend, I have to tell you this,
Listen to all that is spoken,
Take it not unto thy heart.
Words spoken by you are spoken,
Spoken in jest as you think....but,
Think about the others...how they suffer inward.
You might just try to help someone,
To them it might be more of trouble.
Others' matters are best left alone.
Last but not the least, my friend,
Do good and think good, for good begets good.
So farewell my friend, till you understand,
Understand the lines I have set.
Farewell till we meet some other day,
A day you understand me and the world,
Farewell and fare well in life, but.....
But never forget this little bit,
Wherever or whatever may you be,
You still have a friend in me.

Rolling Years

Sixteen years I have seen,
Many sunsets I have watched,
But today at the year's end,
As I watch the sun sink lower,
Dipping into the west, all I feel,
All I feel is a sense of longing,
Longing for a peaceful world,
Where nature's beauty,
Her pristine beauty lies untouched.
Where constant tensions and fears,
Are banished; banished forever......
All the while the sun sinks lower,
A flaming ball of fire descends,
Light fails as darkness falls,
The year is gone beyond all recalls.....
Left behind are but memories,
Memories bitter and sweet......
I wake to a lovely sunrise,
A 'New Year' has come again,
Come a seventeenth time.
The wheel of time does not stop,
It rolls on, moving on forever,
Into the light, the light of goodness,
Out of the quagmires of life.....
As I muse the wind whispers,
What it whispers that day in every ear,
"A New year is come, my friend,
Make apt use of the time given,
Realise your ideals, and
Cut off desires,....then.....,
Then will you have found true peace,...
Rise and face the world...face the world..."
Heed the breeze my friend......,
Then and only then comes peace everlasting.....

Wandering Streams

Wandering alone in a wood,
Saw I a silver stream,
A silver stream running by.
The water shone and sparkled,
Like light on silver mail; and,
It sang and gurgled in a pleasant way.
Fishes swam here and there,
Red ones like flashes of fire,
Golden ones like honey pure,
Silver ones like moonlight cool,
And grey ones like the clouds above.
They swam in shoals in the brook,
Through the waving fronds and flowers.
I saw lilies here and there,
Glittering and dancing in the flow,
Like diamonds on a silver plate,
They shone dazzling white and bright.
Bound to the place by its beauty,
My heart soared out,
Out from its cage of care.
thus I sat by the running brook,
And listened to her wondrous song.
The sun set as I watched,
Set into the hills on my side...
The hills where the stream rose.
the sun set as I watched,
Set in a blaze of golden red.
The waters turned golden, and
The stream flowed on.......
On into the darkening east.
I watched the darkness close,
close like a shutter drawn,
Drawn over a lamp that burned,
Bright and clear minutes ago.
I heard the call of the hunting owls,
I saw the moon rise over the trees,
The waters turned silver; and ran on,
Ran on into the silver east.....
The stream reflected the light,
From the bright new stars,
Stars that like gems in dark satin,
Shone down from the sky above.
The moon waxed high in the sky,
Lighting the woods ghostly pale.
After a while I rose with a sigh,
Knowing that things must end,
Good or bad, must all end sometime.
I turned my face homewards,
And the stream was lost to view.
Though I have seen many streams,
Streams and rivers mighty old,
The memory of this bubbly stream,
Will gurgle on forever......

Ripples

It starts with a little splash in the blue,
A tear from heaven plunges into the mirror-mere,
Plunges deep into the placid waters in the mountains.
Like a mirror shatters, the waters explode into hundreds,
Hundreds of crystal droplets, sparkling bright in the sun.
Like a trampoline act, the drop that fell, rebounds sky-ward,
As an unrelenting gravity tugs downward, it writhes,
Writhes and contorts into shapes, fantastic and surreal.
A Dinosaur, A Dragon, A Dove, A Turtle,
A Jug, A Hook and finally A Stick, it falls,
Falls back into the depth of the alpine tarn.
Around the drop, ripples form and race shoreward...
The clouds and sky seem to heave and wave, as,
The mountain-peaks bend and sway like trees in a storm,
The mighty sun herself, flickers in the disturbed skies.
Ripples turn into waves as they come ashore,
Little crests break on the rocks and grass... And,
And, yet more, gentler swells head back center.
The sky, clouds, mountains and sun tremble,
Tremble and waver as the opposing waves clash.......
....In the deeps of the mountain-mere, stillness triumphs,
Calming the waves and ripples on the quivering facade.
The waters return to their calm and peace, and into the deeps,
Vanishes the drop that fell from the high heavens.
A tear of the clouds, now reflecting the vast firmament.

Flaming Sparks

A twig creaks, a stone strikes,
Light glows bright as a spark leaps,
A flame by itself and yet not,
A flicker of light burning hot.
Snuffed out by the faintest breeze,
Yet in some corner under the trees,
Snug and shielded from the windy strife,
A spark that comes to its full life.
A dry leaf here, some paper close by,
Shrivel and blacken and vanish with a sigh,
Seen yet unseen it rises high,
A thin spiral of smoke in the sky.
Crackling twigs and animal calls,
Sound the alarm in the forest’s halls,
As tiny tongues of flickering red,
Lick the edge of a leafy bed.
With a crackle and a snap and a mighty roar,
Drowning the sound of a squealing boar,
A raging inferno blazes skyward,
A destructive vortex whirls forward.
Tree-tops burst aflame up high,
The fires feeding on everything dry,
The faint perfume froma flowerbed,
Goes up in smoke, lit dusky red.
The Flame of the Forest erupts in flame,
As the fires tear forth seeking new game,
Thunder roars as trees explode,
As, into steam turns the sap they hoard.
Smoke shrouds everything in sight,
As sheets of fire sweep through the night,
Moving up the slope of a hill,
Scorching and burning and feeding to their fill.
Hills in the night sparkle fiery gold,
All lit up like the war beacons of old,
A screaming banshee, the wind wails,
Fanning the flames, not letting them fail.
Fires burn all through the night,
Fading away only with the morning light,
Leaving behind many a blackened hill,
Smoldering gently in the morning chill.
Within the ashes, a spark you may find,
Its life depending on a winds fickle mind,
The right breeze in the right time,
And the tiny spark blazes forth into prime.
A twig creaks, a stone strikes,
Light glows unseen as the spark leaps,
A flame by itself and yet not,
A flicker of light, burning hot.....